SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE LOSS OF YOU.

Begging: August 30th, 2011

TAKE ONE CAPSULE EVERY MORNING BY MOUTH.
DO NOT CHEW OR CRUSH.

They weren't even the right prescription.
But they "helped."

Every morning with a cold gulp of water, sliding like a snake down my throat.

It took about 30 minutes of freedom for the chains to enclose around my wandering mind.
and I always could tell when they started "working"

My hands would begin to tremble.
My heart would beat a little bit louder
and as it thudded like periodic bombs,
the voices would return along with their hate and disgust looming and clouding my impressionable mind.

and I believed them all.
As far as I knew,
There was no one who noticed.
and if there was, they didn't care.

I was completely alone.

SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE LOSS OF APPETITE.

Every mirror was proof that if I was. . .
skinnier. . .
and if my boobs where a size B. . .
He would love me.

It was so EASY!
I knew I wasn't good enough.
And The pills made it too easy to starve.
I was close to what I wanted.
Just a little bit smaller
and he will love me.

and for a while it worked.
with every skipped meal.

my waist was smaller. . .
and with a thinner mid-section,
the contrast between my torso and my breasts seemed more prominent.

What does it matter if every night I wept
because,
I wanted God to pluck me from this earth and take me
HOME.

I was so tiny and still getting smaller.

Middle: October 15th, 2011

Dance with me so I can forget.
Dance with me.
Dance in purple dance in black.
Dance with me.
Dance eye to eye in a room of chest to chest.
Dance with me.
Dance in blue vans with dirty laces.
Dance with me.
Dance to learn our finger prints and foot steps.
Dance with me.

Twirl me into you to hear my laugh.
Dance with me.
Keep my hands tight in yours.
Dance with me.
Dip me and feel my weight,
Dance with me.
Smile to my unheard words
and then just..
Dance with me.

You felt my weight,
and saw my height.

I know you knew.
and you just kept. . .
Dancing with me.
To a song I still listen to.

Thank you for your time.
Thank you for making me want mine back.


My grades began to take the tole,
of the liberty You
planted in my heart that night.
But the blind fold was lifted from my eyes when you looked into them.

I  Stopped 
The daily routine of learning with a medicated mind.
I was so far gone,
it took me 2 years
for The Pain of the past to leave.

and. . .
Not the end, but Now:

I wake up every morning and know that I am enough.
Now I see that the pills were taking away what I now hold close. . .
ME.